


The Monkey on My Back

by Ikkleosu



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-13 00:28:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11173194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ikkleosu/pseuds/Ikkleosu
Summary: John and Kayleigh discuss the day's events on their drive home from the safari park. Post 2x03 fic.





	The Monkey on My Back

“What’s up? You’ve gone quiet?” John ventured after Kayleigh had spent a good ten minutes of the drive home from the safari park staring out the window silently.

Kayleigh have a dramatic sigh and turned to look at him. “I’m sad, John.”

“Sad? God, why now?”

“I’m sad for that little monkey. Aren’t you?”

“No! I’m relieved is what I am. That little blighter nearly had us on the front page of The Gazette. I could see it flashing before my eyes - “Perverted monkey-nappers exposed”. Glad to see the back of it and its industrial strength piss.” He gave a sniff to illustrate his last point.

Kayleigh looked back out the window wistfully. “Don't you think it's sad though? All it wanted was to get away, break free from its life”

“Break free? Thought you said it was a little Elton John, not Freddie Mercury?”

“But think about it John,” Kayleigh pressed on, ignoring his dismissive tone. “It tried to break free, escape the monotony - imagine how depressing it must be for it, the same thing day in day out, just a bunch of cars passing by throwing nuts…”

“You’re nuts!” John interrupted. “What are you on about? Monkeys don't get depressed! Slightest hint of boredom and they just wank themselves stupid. What’s a monkey got to be depressed about? They’ve got all the food they can eat, cars to pull apart, shit to fling, no end of things to hump…” John screwed up his face at the mental image.

“Maybe that's not enough for them. Maybe they’re bored of all that. Maybe it was looking for its happiness…”

“If I’d known going there make you all morose, I’d never have gone along with this madness…” John looked at Kayleigh, whose face was turned away from him, her hair still a bird’s nest of tangles from the monkey wrangling.

“But that's just it!” Kayleigh suddenly implored, her dark eyes sparkling up at John’s face. “Don't you see? It’s just like me. It escaped its rubbish life, had a lovely day out in the car, and now it's back in its old life, back to the grindstone, alone…”

John glanced at her serious face. “What the hell are you going on about woman? It's not alone, didn't you notice there was like fifty of them climbing all over? It's probably the star of the show right now; telling all its monkey friends about its daring escape, and laughing it up at the merry dance it led us.”

Kayleigh sighed again at his lack of understanding. He couldn't see it. He couldn't see how much this day meant to her, what being with him away from work, away from the ties that bound them was all about. She’s been so excited, so hopeful when he’d said he wanted to ask her something, and then she’d come crashing back to earth .John mentioned the Christmas team and it was like a door slamming in her face. They were back in the cage that said “work colleagues”, just like that monkey was back in its safari prison. No wonder it had given them the finger. She didn’t blame it. They’d killed its dream.

“We ruined its day,” she said sadly.

“Ruined its day?! It ruined our day more like! Little shit! We were having a lovely day out until that demented hitch-hiker hopped on for its free lift.” John stared straight ahead as he spoke, totally oblivious to his admission that had slipped out.

A smile was slowly spreading across Kayleigh's face, though she fought it. “You had a lovely day?” she prodded.

“Yeah,” John gave her a quick look, not cottoning on to how much this meant to her, nor how much it was counteracting the fear that had been filling her mind since that misanticipated moment at the seafront. “Besides little hairy Houdini... and the piss… it was a good day.”

“It was,” Kayleigh smiled to herself with satisfaction. Maybe there was hope after all.

John sensed Kayleigh's change of demeanour and felt a mix of pride and embarrassment. He’d made her happy.

“Look, you haven't even had the radio on since we handed in little Steve McQueen... maybe you really are sick?” he said, trying to change the subject. He turned the radio on just as the chorus of The Lion Sleeps Tonight drifted out the speakers. “Oh you’re taking the piss!” He exclaimed. 

Kayleigh give a giggle and started “ah-whim-awaying” along with the radio, bouncing in her seat and leaning closer and closer to John with each repeat of the phrase. 

He studiously ignored her until finally he broke into an ear shattering falsetto “eeeeeeeee ooh weeeeeoh weeee umm ummm away” much to Kayleigh's delight. She grinned broadly and sat back in her seat as they sung along to the rest of the song contentedly.

It was later than usual by the time they pulled into Mandy’s street, the sun spreading the last of its rays low in the sky. 

“Back to reality…” Kayleigh sighed, the melancholy creeping back into her voice. Back to sitting in a tiny bedroom watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta and listening to Mandy shout at Steve for leaving bike parts in the bath again. Back to waiting for morning to come, for John to pick her up and the highlight of her day to start. She really needed to get a grip.

“Looks like Steve’s taken the day off too?” John said as they pulled up to Mandy's house, to see the driveway free of the almost permanent presence of Kayleigh's brother-in-law.

“His bike’s out, he’ll be back any minute no doubt. Probably lubing up his fretboard or something.” 

“Fretboard? That's off a guitar, not a bike.” John shook his head in disdain, though Kayleigh just shrugged. How was she to know the difference? She stopped listening as soon as Steve opened his mouth. 

The lack of Steve was a delightful rare surprise for Kayleigh. She was sick of him monopolising John’s attention when we he dropped her off. Frankly, the blossoming bromance was getting right on her wick. She began to wonder if she should smear herself in grease and start revving if she wanted to get John’s attention.

“Well, I’ll see you at work tomorrow I suppose…” Kayleigh said as she took off her seatbelt. 

“Oh making a miraculous recovery are you?” John wound down his window and leaned his arm on the door as the sun streamed in making Kayleigh's hair look like it was on fire. 

“Unless you fancy a trip to Puzzle Palace?” Kayleigh teased.

John just rolled his eyes. “Don't forget - coming out both ends! You best not be telling anyone about renegade monkeys and tuna sandwiches. If Dave catches on, we’re both for the high jump!” 

It was Kayleigh's turn to roll her eyes. “I told you, John I’m an old hand at this.”

“Yeah, that's what worries me!”

“Besides, I’m not the one who has to explain my scratched face…” Kayleigh pointed to the red welts spread across John’s nose and forehead.

“Christ, I forgot about that!” John yanked his visor down and examined his injuries in the mirror. “Jesus…” he cursed as he licked his finger and rubbed it over the scratches.

“Say it was your cat,” Kayleigh offered helpfully. 

“I don't have a cat.”

“We'll say you got one, it did that to you, so you took it back.”

John turned to look at her in total disbelief and shook his head. Kayleigh only smiled.

“Okay then say Lefty did it,” she suggested again.

“Lefty?”

“You know, from Wigan?”

“Litchy!”

“Litchy. Say he got jealous of your world food aisle and tried to scratch your eyes out.” 

Even John had to laugh at that one. “Christ it's a good job he didn't see you, I’d never hear the end of it…” he said distractedly.

“Why?” 

John froze and panic rose inside him. Crap. Crap. Crap. He shouldn't have said that. He couldn't explain why but the idea of Kayleigh knowing what Ian had said to him, what Litchy thought of them, made him want to rip his skin off and climb inside it. He was trying so hard to be casual about what he felt for Kayleigh, relaying Ian’s words to her made him flush even thinking about it. 

“Oh, he’s just a right stickler for the rules, he’d be right on to HR if he thought you were bunking off…” he lied through his teeth, as he flipped his visor back into place. It was a good job she didn't know Litchy or she’d know what utter cobblers that was. Litchy was as likely to grass to HR as John was to streak at Wimbledon. 

“Oh right…” Kayleigh crinkled her nose in disgust. “Typically slimey management then… glad you’re not like that.” 

She gave John a warm smile and John felt it down to his toes. God, why did she have to look like that? Eyes like Bambi, body like Kylie, and sitting a foot away from him. 

His mind went back to the night of the staff party, the night he’d almost kissed her. He'd played it over in his mind over and over, taking it to its natural conclusion so often that sometimes he had to remind himself he hadn't actually done the deed. 

It was for the best. It was. He’d convinced himself of that repeatedly. He didn't want to mess up what they had.

But every time she looked at him like that he became unconvinced very quickly.

Still, when he had played that moment back in his mind, he couldn't stop himself imagining the rest… the inevitable relationship. Kayleigh would morph into Charlotte, two years down the line, sitting in miserable silence on opposite ends of a sofa; feeling utterly alone with another person an arm's reach away. He would think about how he’d look at Charlotte and feel total emptiness. The thought of looking at Kayleigh, who made him feel full to the brim, and feeling nothing always acted like a cold shower on his feelings. He couldn't risk that.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Kayleigh's voice sparked him out of his reverie. 

“Uh,” he floundered for a moment. “You’ve got something in your hair.” 

He pointed to the brown lump he’d just spotted behind her left ear. 

Kayleigh looked confused, flipped her visor down and examined herself in the mirror. “Oh my god! John, is that…? John, is that monkey crap? Have I got monkey poo in my hair?!” 

She began to panic and turned back to John, pulling at the bottom of the clump of hair. 

“John, get it off!!! Eeww get it off me!”

“Alright, alright…” John waved his hands trying to calm her growing hysteria. “I’m not going to do it with me bare hands, am I?”

He fished in all his pockets and finally found a tissue.

“Hold still then!” he exclaimed to flapping, wriggling Kayleigh.

John leaned forwards, and using the folded tissue tried to pull the offending lump from her hair. “Shit…”

“I know it is, John! Just get it out!” Kayleigh squealed.

“I can't!” He tugged harder.

“Ow!” Kayleigh jerked her head in the opposite direction, as John started to laugh. “What? What’s funny??”

John sat back in his seat and smiled at her stricken expression. “It’s not monkey shit… it’s a bit of Curly Wurly.”

“What?” Kayleigh's hand flew to her hair where she tentatively touched the mess and then examined her fingers. 

“Lick it!” John teased.

“You lick it!” Kayleigh looked angrily back in the mirror. “That effing bastard how did it…” 

“It was probably after your Curly Wurly the whole time,” John offered. “I bet it was the smell of your bloody tuna sandwich that attracted it in the first place. It didn't want a day out, it wanted a three course meal.”

“Please, John, can you just get it out… eeww it's so sticky.” Kayleigh looked pleadingly at John.

“Oh for Christ’s sake…” John leaned towards her again, and tried to pull the caramel chocolate clump from her hair. “It’s stuck good and proper…” 

He tried to use both hands, one to hold her hair and one to pull at the caramel, but leaning too far across the seats he struggled to keep his balance. Stopping himself from falling against her, he dropped his left hand for support. It landed firmly on Kayleigh's thigh, which he gripped unceremoniously. 

“Sorry…” he muttered, suddenly aware how close his mouth was to her ear.

“It's okay,” Kayleigh muttered, feeling the tickle if his breath against the side of her face. Was it her imagination or was he suddenly breathing harder? 

She focused on his head, her eyes drawn to the dark gap between his neck and shirt where his hair danced against the collar. She fought the urge to kiss the bit of exposed neck she could see there and instead inhaled hard. She hadn't even realised her right hand was gripping his shoulder to steady him. 

Something flooded over and she slid her hand down his arm, resting it on top of his hand on her lap. Her fingers curled round the top of his. She squeezed gently. That was when she was pretty sure he stopped breathing altogether. His hand in her hair stilled and then, unmistakably, brushed her hair away from her face.

“Aye aye, there are laws against this kind of thing you know…” 

Steve’s voice from the driver’s window made them both leap apart, John pulling Kayleigh's hair with him.

“Ayyyyyaaa… JOHN!” Kayleigh yelled in pain.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” John held his hands in the air as he sat back in his seat, Steve's face peering in at them over his shoulder. 

“I’d say get a room, but seeing as it's my box bedroom I don't think I’ll bother…” Steve joked, leaning on the open window. 

“Well, that’s got it…” John said, holding up the tissue with the offending piece of chocolate and a clump of Kayleigh’s hair attached. 

Kayleigh pouted and smoothed what was left of her lock of hair.

“What the hell happened to you pair? Look at the state of you! You been for a roll in the hay?” Steve questioned, taking in their grubby, dishevelled clothes.

John put his hand to his forehead. “No…”

“Oh wait till I show Our Mandy the photos…” Kayleigh said as she gathered her possessions from the footwell.

Steve looked horrified at the possibilities of seeing shot for shot of their “roll in the hay”. “Photos?! Kinky.”

“Of animals! You dirty…”

“ANIMALS?! Even worse!” Steve looked flabbergasted and stepped back from the window as if afraid of seeing too much.

“I TOLD you, you should delete them,” John pleaded to Kayleigh as she opened her door.

“I’m only going to show Our Mandy, who’s she going to tell?” 

“Someone! These things always have a way of getting out…” John gestured wildly to Kayleigh, who ignored him and walked round the car to join Steve.

“Expect to see you in Dogging Monthly will we? “ Steve teased, totally unaware of Kayleigh’s history with that word. 

She narrowed her eyes at him, trying to read what he knew. “You can shut up… I’ll explain later, when you get your filthy mind out of the gutter.”

“Look, I best go,” John interrupted, desperate to get away from the entire conversation as quickly as possible. “I’ll pick you up for WORK tomorrow,” he said pointedly to Kayleigh.

She smiled indulgently, “Yes, I promise…hope your juicer’s come.”

“Juicer?” Steve looked with surprise in at John. “Didn’t take you for a juice man, John. Thought you were more sausage than spinach?”

“No, no, I like me juice. Some things in life are just meant to be juiced…” John caught Kayleigh’s eye over Steve’s shoulder. She grinned at him, and that warmth filled him up again. All thoughts of cold showers and emptiness flew out the window.

“Well, whatever mate, see you later.” Steve patted the roof of the car as John drove off.

The last thing John heard was Steve’s voice saying “Ewww what’s that on me hand?” before he wound the window up.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to recklessredmond for her help. :)
> 
> I wanted to continue the idea that every moment they have they get interrupted.


End file.
